I’m starting this blog series in an attempt to find my way to “chill” because yo gorl has almost no chill – only now instead of that being a personality trait it’s causing hormonal fluctuations that my body doesn’t know how to process anymore which then leads to me passing out … which is no bueno. I consider myself agnostic because I’m not sure there is/are a god/s, but I’m not going to tell you they can’t possibly exist either. I do however enjoy the idea of trying out different forms of meditation to see if any of them will work for me, which brings me to my latest adventure – using tarot cards as a point of focus for meditation. Let’s see what cards I pull today, shall we?
Today I’m just pulling a single card without asking anything again. Much like yesterday, my mental health today just really isn’t great. Ugh.
Thirteen of Water – Reversed
I think part of the reason I’ve been a bit out of sorts for a while lately is because I’m still grieving the fact that I did have to go no contact with my parents. It really sucks that doing that was necessary. Every now and again I wonder if it was the right decision, but then I reflect on how much better my life is now that I don’t have to deal with them constantly ignoring my boundaries. Perhaps the Queen of Water has appeared to warn me to stick to my decision since I spent about two years cautiously making it.
I’m also just generally struggling with depression – I’m not particularly excited for anything, and moving for anything is just stupidly hard right now. Perhaps she is also here to caution me to not shut down and shut everything out. When things get bad I have a tendency to try to ignore my feelings and shove them all in a box in the corner until the box explodes. It sucks that my feelings right now feel like the epitome of “BLAH” but I still need to acknowledge them and work through it instead of ignoring it.
This card was pulled from Ravynne Phelan’s Dreams of Gaia Tarot set which comes with its own guide book since it’s a bit of a cross between a standard and oracle deck.