I’m starting this blog series in an attempt to find my way to “chill” because yo gorl has almost no chill – only now instead of that being a personality trait it’s causing hormonal fluctuations that my body doesn’t know how to process anymore which then leads to me passing out … which is no bueno. I consider myself agnostic because I’m not sure there is/are a god/s, but I’m not going to tell you they can’t possibly exist either. I do however enjoy the idea of trying out different forms of meditation to see if any of them will work for me, which brings me to my latest adventure – using tarot cards as a point of focus for meditation. Let’s see what cards I pull today, shall we?
Today I’m am feeling exhausted but proud of myself. I got up when my alarm went off, worked out, took a shower, dusted and rearranged my cookbook collection, and cleaned and reorganized half of the fridge. That is SOOOOO much more than I’ve been able to do in a long time. I’m starting to feel a little dizzy now, but I’m really hoping that it won’t turn into me passing out. In the meanwhile, let’s see what a single card has to say today.
Ten of Water
The ten of water is really about living in the moment and looking to what brings you joy at the present. It’s about choosing to look at the glass being half full. It isn’t about toxic positivity where all you acknowledge are the nicer things, but rather it is more about observing the non-happy things from our past and letting those moments go so we can focus on the present instead of ruminating on that past.
I’ve actually been talking about this a good bit in my therapy sessions. I have a tendency to compare current me to past me. Current me is chronically ill. Past me was healthy and didn’t have to budget their energy stores. Part of what I have to remember with Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome and all of my other comorbidities is that my quality of life can change drastically from day to day. Sometimes what I need to focus on isn’t what I wish I could do right now … but what I actually can do right now. It’s normal to feel a sense of frustration with this, but it’s not productive to stay mad at what I can’t do right now. Instead, it’s better to thank my past self, acknowledge my present self, and try to find an activity that I enjoy and can do.
Today I’m using pacing techniques to make sure I don’t overdo it when I feel good and notice when to take longer breaks as I deplete my energy stores throughout the day. If you’d like to learn more about that process I’d highly recommend checking out this article from the NHS.
This card was pulled from Ravynne Phelan’s Dreams of Gaia Tarot set which comes with its own guide book since it’s a bit of a cross between a standard and oracle deck.