I’m starting this blog series in an attempt to find my way to “chill” because yo gorl has almost no chill – only now instead of that being a personality trait it’s causing hormonal fluctuations that my body doesn’t know how to process anymore which then leads to me passing out … which is no bueno. I consider myself agnostic because I’m not sure there is/are a god/s, but I’m not going to tell you they can’t possibly exist either. I do however enjoy the idea of trying out different forms of meditation to see if any of them will work for me, which brings me to my latest adventure – using tarot cards as a point of focus for meditation. Let’s see what cards I pull today, shall we?
I still have almost no motivation, but here we go.
Eleven of Fire – Inverted
Oh I have no doubt that my energies are unaligned and in need of balancing. If anything I’d say my energies are much more in protective as I am over halfway through my grieving process. Now I just need to somehow reactivate the nurturing part of myself to get that back into balance. I’m not really in a rush to fix it though. I know I’m out of whack, and I’m also regularly seeing a clinically licensed therapist to work through my depression. This week has been rather blah, but also I’ve gained some semblance of concentration again. Nothing feels super rewarding, but I can vicariously live through the characters of the books I’m reading again. At some point things should fix themselves. I’m aware I’m out of balance, but I’m not trying to force things back into balance. From my experience, trying to force something into working instead of developing something more constructing into working … well, it doesn’t go well. It’ll go, for a while, but it won’t go well. In the meanwhile, I’m just glad that things don’t feel bad. Negative self talk? Who is she? We don’t know her. With the help of therapy she mostly took herself out with the trash because she wasn’t healthy anymore. LoL But seriously though, that’s kind of a big deal for me to actually just be blah and not be beating myself up for being blah.
This card was pulled from Ravynne Phelan’s Dreams of Gaia Tarot set which comes with its own guide book since it’s a bit of a cross between a standard and oracle deck.