I’m starting this blog series in an attempt to find my way to “chill” because yo gorl has almost no chill – only now instead of that being a personality trait it’s causing hormonal fluctuations that my body doesn’t know how to process anymore which then leads to me passing out … which is no bueno. I consider myself agnostic because I’m not sure there is/are a god/s, but I’m not going to tell you they can’t possibly exist either. I do however enjoy the idea of trying out different forms of meditation to see if any of them will work for me, which brings me to my latest adventure – using tarot cards as a point of focus for meditation. Let’s see what cards I pull today, shall we?
I don’t know how, but somehow doing stuff today doesn’t completely feel like pulling teeth. I wouldn’t say I’m excited to do things, but I’m also not completely apathetic for once.
Nine – The Bouquet
This is a very pleasant card. I feel like the cards are at it again since I woke up this morning and focused on being kind to myself. Sometimes it’s really hard to work on acceptance, but this is the first time in a very long time that I actually feel some sort of peace with myself. I feel like I’m actually taking good care of myself with trying to set a bed time routine, sticking to my morning routine, and being very deliberate with how I’m using my time. I’ve already done the work of shifting my thinking to “I deserve to be treated the same way I’d treat other people”, and now I feel like I’m actually starting to implement that. Appreciation is a lot more difficult. I don’t know that I’ll ever feel appreciative of being trapped in a defective body, but I can appreciate the fact that I’m making an effort to check in with myself and take care of myself, because that’s kind of a big deal. If you’ve ever had depression I feel like you’ll know that that’s a seemingly undoable thing some days.
This card was pulled from Eric Maille’s The Paper Oracle Deck with Guide Booklet.