My Meditation Journey | Episode 35

I’m starting this blog series in an attempt to find my way to “chill” because yo gorl has almost no chill – only now instead of that being a personality trait it’s causing hormonal fluctuations that my body doesn’t know how to process anymore which then leads to me passing out … which is no bueno. I consider myself agnostic because I’m not sure there is/are a god/s, but I’m not going to tell you they can’t possibly exist either. I do however enjoy the idea of trying out different forms of meditation to see if any of them will work for me, which brings me to my latest adventure – using tarot cards as a point of focus for meditation. Let’s see what cards I pull today, shall we?

Sixteen – The Stars

Progress Towards Goals
Spirituality
Optimism

… I think the cards are at it again … After receiving a bad blood/cholesterol report from my doctor this year I decided I needed to make some changes. We tried medication at first to get a jump start on it, but my body REALLY didn’t like it — like really weird headaches I’ve never experienced before plus vertigo. The only things left I could change without medication were my activity and eating habits, and I really don’t have much control over when my body decides to cooperate so, realistically, I mostly have control over what goes in my mouth. I knew part of what would help me form healthy habits for the right reasons would be to get myself back into therapy with a LPC, so I got back into therapy and started making steady progress towards my goals.

After making some great progress everything came grinding to almost a complete halt when my insurance decided to tell me that they would not be covering one of my medications at all anymore, they even told my patient advocate this. About a month later my patient advocate kicks it to another person on their team who specifically works the pharmacology side of things. Pharmacology person calls insurance again to see exactly why the medication that worked well is no longer being covered after I’ve had bad results on two months of another medication they suggested — all to find out that I could have been on the one that worked well this entire time with a prior authorization on file. Mind you, I had already asked insurance if I needed paperwork aka a prior authorization on file, and they told me that wasn’t an option.

Pharmacology person works everything out, my doctor sends in the paperwork for the prior authorization, and two days ago I get back on the medication that actually improves my life. What I didn’t realize would happen is that my mental health would improve so much (it’s a hormone regulating drug; I really shouldn’t be this surprised). I’ve been completely apathetic for the previous two months, when my goals ground to a halt. Within the two days I’m already back on track with where I was before, making progress at about the same pace as before.

I’m proud of myself for still grinding forward, ever so slowly, with my goals even during those two months when doing anything felt like pulling teeth, and I’m very happy to feel like I’m all the way back on track again. It’s really important to me to form new, non abusive habits, and I think what I’m doing, what I’ve been doing, is actually working. I’m working on it from all the sides I can think of, spiritually, medically, emotionally, physically; I want this healthy habit to stick, and I think I’ve finally found how to do it.

This card was pulled from Eric Maille’s The Paper Oracle Deck with Guide Booklet.

Published by Victoria Mendes

I'm just a house-wife trying to cook good meals on a budget.

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