I’m starting this blog series in an attempt to find my way to “chill” because yo gorl has almost no chill – only now instead of that being a personality trait it’s causing hormonal fluctuations that my body doesn’t know how to process anymore which then leads to me passing out … which is no bueno. I consider myself agnostic because I’m not sure there is/are a god/s, but I’m not going to tell you they can’t possibly exist either. I do however enjoy the idea of trying out different forms of meditation to see if any of them will work for me, which brings me to my latest adventure – using tarot cards as a point of focus for meditation. Let’s see what cards I pull today, shall we?
Twenty Seven – The Letter
As I shuffle and draw today I ask how I can focus more on the things I do want instead of the things I don’t want, the shift is minor but important.
Well, I suppose I am looking for shifting communication with myself and being able to have a healthier way of communicating with others in my life. As far as documents are concerned, I’m currently reading through The Witch’s Book of Self-Care by Arin Murphy-Hiscock; I had noticed that what I’ve been reading so far directly corresponds with what I’ve been learning in therapy anyways, which brings me to conversation. I’ve somewhat brought this up with my therapist before, but at the time I was under the impression that I didn’t feel like I had a healthy sense of identity. My therapist was surprised that I felt this way because I don’t match up with other people experiencing identity crises. I think what I failed to communicate is that I feel like I have a strong handle of what I don’t like and on my relational values, but I don’t have a strong sense of what I do value in relation to who I am. One might think that if you know one then you by default know the other, but I don’t feel like I do. It isn’t that I don’t think it’s there so much as I don’t feel like it’s clearly defined. For instance, when I worked on defining my relational values I had a pretty good sense of what I dislike in relationship, but I couldn’t quite put into words what I do value in my relationships. Since I finished that exercise I now have a very explicit set of values that make it much easier to communicate with others. This feels similar. I can’t quite put into words the things I’m aligned with in my sense of self, but it’s somewhat on the tip of my tongue — and I’d like to get that ironed out soon.
This card was pulled from Eric Maille’s The Paper Oracle Deck with Guide Booklet.