My Meditation Journey | Episode 47

I’m starting this blog series in an attempt to find my way to “chill” because yo gorl has almost no chill – only now instead of that being a personality trait it’s causing hormonal fluctuations that my body doesn’t know how to process anymore which then leads to me passing out … which is no bueno. I consider myself agnostic because I’m not sure there is/are a god/s, but I’m not going to tell you they can’t possibly exist either. I do however enjoy the idea of trying out different forms of meditation to see if any of them will work for me, which brings me to my latest adventure – using tarot cards as a point of focus for meditation. Let’s see what cards I pull today, shall we?

Twenty Two – Intuition

Signs
Pattern
Trust

As I pull my card today I ask the deck what it will show me. At the moment I’m feeling a bit unsure of what I want to do with my day and am just seeing where things go in the moment.

I was already relying on my intuition this morning to move forward today. Even after thinking on this card I don’t feel like I have any plans. Unless the plan is to just take each moment as it comes today, in which case that is the plan. Maybe it’s time to start trusting myself, since I’ve formed some good habits that help provide the structure I have in my life, maybe it’s time to start living in the moment instead of planning things ahead. Of course, if I feel like planning something later then I will, but until the feeling strikes I’ll be navigating my day by feel. So far, at the time of writing this, I’ve done my basic morning self care (which is a big win since on my depressed days that’s a very difficult thing to do), gotten dressed (probably to go nowhere since the panini is still a thing), and now I’m craving a nice, hot latte — so I think I’ll go make one.

This card was pulled from Ravynne Phelan’s Dreams of Gaia Tarot set.

My Meditation Journey | Episode 46

I’m starting this blog series in an attempt to find my way to “chill” because yo gorl has almost no chill – only now instead of that being a personality trait it’s causing hormonal fluctuations that my body doesn’t know how to process anymore which then leads to me passing out … which is no bueno. I consider myself agnostic because I’m not sure there is/are a god/s, but I’m not going to tell you they can’t possibly exist either. I do however enjoy the idea of trying out different forms of meditation to see if any of them will work for me, which brings me to my latest adventure – using tarot cards as a point of focus for meditation. Let’s see what cards I pull today, shall we?

Twenty Seven – The Letter

Communication
Documents
Conversation

As I shuffle and draw today I ask how I can focus more on the things I do want instead of the things I don’t want, the shift is minor but important.

Well, I suppose I am looking for shifting communication with myself and being able to have a healthier way of communicating with others in my life. As far as documents are concerned, I’m currently reading through The Witch’s Book of Self-Care by Arin Murphy-Hiscock; I had noticed that what I’ve been reading so far directly corresponds with what I’ve been learning in therapy anyways, which brings me to conversation. I’ve somewhat brought this up with my therapist before, but at the time I was under the impression that I didn’t feel like I had a healthy sense of identity. My therapist was surprised that I felt this way because I don’t match up with other people experiencing identity crises. I think what I failed to communicate is that I feel like I have a strong handle of what I don’t like and on my relational values, but I don’t have a strong sense of what I do value in relation to who I am. One might think that if you know one then you by default know the other, but I don’t feel like I do. It isn’t that I don’t think it’s there so much as I don’t feel like it’s clearly defined. For instance, when I worked on defining my relational values I had a pretty good sense of what I dislike in relationship, but I couldn’t quite put into words what I do value in my relationships. Since I finished that exercise I now have a very explicit set of values that make it much easier to communicate with others. This feels similar. I can’t quite put into words the things I’m aligned with in my sense of self, but it’s somewhat on the tip of my tongue — and I’d like to get that ironed out soon.

This card was pulled from Eric Maille’s The Paper Oracle Deck with Guide Booklet.

My Meditation Journey | Episode 45

I’m starting this blog series in an attempt to find my way to “chill” because yo gorl has almost no chill – only now instead of that being a personality trait it’s causing hormonal fluctuations that my body doesn’t know how to process anymore which then leads to me passing out … which is no bueno. I consider myself agnostic because I’m not sure there is/are a god/s, but I’m not going to tell you they can’t possibly exist either. I do however enjoy the idea of trying out different forms of meditation to see if any of them will work for me, which brings me to my latest adventure – using tarot cards as a point of focus for meditation. Let’s see what cards I pull today, shall we?

Thirty Three – The Key

Openness
Freedom
New Doors Opening

For a while doing these meditations, sometimes it didn’t feel genuine. I was trying and I was telling myself the words that should feel right, but I didn’t necessarily believe them 100%. A couple of days ago I was looking back at part of my mental health journal from November of last year; I never really felt like I had actually made changes until I looked back at where I was. Am I where I ultimately want to be at with self care yet? Pshhhh no, but doing self care no longer feels selfish or like a chore. I made an effort to keep my mind open and try different techniques to get to a better mental health place, and now I can see that it is paying off. It may have started as a habit that didn’t always feel completely genuine, but now it does. Do I still have moments of “that’s good for other people, but I can’t possibly deserve that”? Yes, but those moments happen much less often now. 

If you were ever thinking about starting a small habit of self care, this is your sign. Do it. If you have depression, it probably will seem very very silly at first, but if you keep doing it because the rational side of your brain says it’s a good habit to form, then it should pay off eventually … it just might take a year + if you’re anything like me LoL

This card was pulled from Eric Maille’s The Paper Oracle Deck with Guide Booklet.

My Meditation Journey | Episode 44

I’m starting this blog series in an attempt to find my way to “chill” because yo gorl has almost no chill – only now instead of that being a personality trait it’s causing hormonal fluctuations that my body doesn’t know how to process anymore which then leads to me passing out … which is no bueno. I consider myself agnostic because I’m not sure there is/are a god/s, but I’m not going to tell you they can’t possibly exist either. I do however enjoy the idea of trying out different forms of meditation to see if any of them will work for me, which brings me to my latest adventure – using tarot cards as a point of focus for meditation. Let’s see what cards I pull today, shall we?

Twenty Eight – The Masculine

Energy
Passion
Aggression

I almost didn’t practice today. I spent the morning with family and the afternoon with half a migraine — for very unrelated reasons. The other things I’ve been doing today have been following up with my passion for folksy art, particularly with journaling. I’ve been trying to learn how to draw again now that I have the energy and ability for some fine motor control again. As for aggression in the traditional sense of being some form of angry, I don’t think I’ve really been dwelling on that lately; but as an alternative where in pursuit of one’s goals and ambitions, I feel like I’ve been rekindling that part of my spirit. It’s not even November yet, and I’m already thinking about projects I want to work on and books I want to read.

This card was pulled from Eric Maille’s The Paper Oracle Deck with Guide Booklet.

My Meditation Journey | Episode 43

I’m starting this blog series in an attempt to find my way to “chill” because yo gorl has almost no chill – only now instead of that being a personality trait it’s causing hormonal fluctuations that my body doesn’t know how to process anymore which then leads to me passing out … which is no bueno. I consider myself agnostic because I’m not sure there is/are a god/s, but I’m not going to tell you they can’t possibly exist either. I do however enjoy the idea of trying out different forms of meditation to see if any of them will work for me, which brings me to my latest adventure – using tarot cards as a point of focus for meditation. Let’s see what cards I pull today, shall we?

Thirteen – The Child

Newness
New Beginnings
Potential

Ok so this morning my partner and I planted a lot of bulbs we ordered so that hopefully I’ll have some nice flowers in the spring. As we were digging in the bed to put them in we accidentally dug up some of the daffodil bulbs we had planted a couple years ago. Once again I am amused by the cards since I was just working with daffodils and here they are again in the card art.

As far as new things and potential go, I feel like I’m still in the very beginnings of my witchcraft journey. I’m still exploring and finding things new to me. I’m also finding a profound sense of peace as I internalize what witchcraft means to me – listening to experiences and using one’s will to change one’s circumstances via the power of the magick of the mind. I’m still interested to see what camps I’ll land in in the long run, but I’m getting the feeling that I may be a mix between Kitchen, Divination, and Green witchery. In the meanwhile I’m just happy to be open minded and listening. 

This card was pulled from Eric Maille’s The Paper Oracle Deck with Guide Booklet.

My Meditation Journey | Episode 42

I’m starting this blog series in an attempt to find my way to “chill” because yo gorl has almost no chill – only now instead of that being a personality trait it’s causing hormonal fluctuations that my body doesn’t know how to process anymore which then leads to me passing out … which is no bueno. I consider myself agnostic because I’m not sure there is/are a god/s, but I’m not going to tell you they can’t possibly exist either. I do however enjoy the idea of trying out different forms of meditation to see if any of them will work for me, which brings me to my latest adventure – using tarot cards as a point of focus for meditation. Let’s see what cards I pull today, shall we?

Thirty Seven – The Nonbinary

Thinking Outside the Box
Shades of Grey
Regeneration

As I pulled my card today I was contemplating how to fix my sleep schedule. For some reason unbeknownst to me, for the past two weeks I’ve been alternating sleeping between about 4 hours and about 7 hours. On 7 hours I feel mostly good; on 4 hours I feel rather terrible. So as I shuffled my deck I asked of myself if there’s any one thing I could do to make this better, maybe a habit I could form, perhaps something I could use that would “flip my off switch” so to speak. To pull a card about regeneration while thinking about sleep and lusting after its reparative properties I did not receive is hilarious. Perhaps this is a reminder that there is no one right way to get to sleep. Certainly habits can help, but the answer specifically of how to sleep at will is a murky, grey area. Previously when I’ve had issues I’ve turned to every old-fashioned sleep aid I could think of, but perhaps I need to just start experimenting. 

If you have any outside the box things that help you sleep let met know.

This card was pulled from Eric Maille’s The Paper Oracle Deck with Guide Booklet.

My Meditation Journey | Episode 41

I’m starting this blog series in an attempt to find my way to “chill” because yo gorl has almost no chill – only now instead of that being a personality trait it’s causing hormonal fluctuations that my body doesn’t know how to process anymore which then leads to me passing out … which is no bueno. I consider myself agnostic because I’m not sure there is/are a god/s, but I’m not going to tell you they can’t possibly exist either. I do however enjoy the idea of trying out different forms of meditation to see if any of them will work for me, which brings me to my latest adventure – using tarot cards as a point of focus for meditation. Let’s see what cards I pull today, shall we?

Twenty Six – The Book

Learning
Wisdom
Discovery

I took the whole day off yesterday; other than doing some basic self care, I spent the day running a fever and being in a high amount of pain. Today I feel like my body is in “ahh, sweet release” mode. You know, how you feel after you unclench muscles after being wound up for a long time. I have a feeling the rest of today is also going to be a rest and recovery day. Usually my recovery days are filled with reading books, so I’m not surprised to find this card today. 

This card was pulled from Eric Maille’s The Paper Oracle Deck with Guide Booklet.

My Meditation Journey | Episode 40

I’m starting this blog series in an attempt to find my way to “chill” because yo gorl has almost no chill – only now instead of that being a personality trait it’s causing hormonal fluctuations that my body doesn’t know how to process anymore which then leads to me passing out … which is no bueno. I consider myself agnostic because I’m not sure there is/are a god/s, but I’m not going to tell you they can’t possibly exist either. I do however enjoy the idea of trying out different forms of meditation to see if any of them will work for me, which brings me to my latest adventure – using tarot cards as a point of focus for meditation. Let’s see what cards I pull today, shall we?

Eleven – The Broom

Debate
Working to Resolve Disagreements
Cleaning of Damage

Now to ponder the damage in my life that needs to be swept away … Over the past two weeks I’ve been waking up in the middle of the night or early (for me) in the morning. This used to be my normal years ago, being able to feel well rested on 6 to 7 hours of sleep. Not to say I didn’t have damage before, but I knew how to operate in it and cope at the time. Prior to my regular meditation sessions and this latest round of therapy I’ve felt completely lost. My body gave up in functioning properly in MULTIPLE ways; I had/have to learn to navigate those changes, and I think I’m finally on the right track to finding a sense of peace and fulfillment. I still have a bit of work to do with sweeping out all the cobwebs hiding in the corners, but I feel like in the past two weeks I’ve started to feel like myself again. I’m not constantly bickering with myself anymore; it still happens, but it isn’t constant. In between the medication, physical therapy, occupational therapy, braces, and mental therapy, I feel like I’m finally making progress.

This card was pulled from Eric Maille’s The Paper Oracle Deck with Guide Booklet.

My Meditation Journey | Episode 39

I’m starting this blog series in an attempt to find my way to “chill” because yo gorl has almost no chill – only now instead of that being a personality trait it’s causing hormonal fluctuations that my body doesn’t know how to process anymore which then leads to me passing out … which is no bueno. I consider myself agnostic because I’m not sure there is/are a god/s, but I’m not going to tell you they can’t possibly exist either. I do however enjoy the idea of trying out different forms of meditation to see if any of them will work for me, which brings me to my latest adventure – using tarot cards as a point of focus for meditation. Let’s see what cards I pull today, shall we?

Twenty Four – The Heart

Affection
Strong Emotions
Feeling

I just finished reading Healer of the Water Monster by Brian Young this morning and cried several times while doing so. Apparently this middle grade book decided to make me feel all the feels (not that book have consciousness, but you know what I mean). I’ve been feeling somewhat melancholy for the rest of the day so far. Do you ever feel stuck in a weird feeling after having a crying session? I don’t know what to do with myself now. Maybe I just need a calm day where I focus on what’s happening in the moment to recover. I find scents sometimes break me out of that stuck place; perhaps I’ll take a candle lit bath with some scented epsom salts. 

By the way, I don’t want your takeaway to be “oh dear, I’m afraid of getting that feeling by reading that book too” because I would 10/10 recommend picking it up if the book blurb sounds at all interesting. I need to take some time to decompress, gather my thoughts, and make  a review for the book. I want to handle it well/with great care so it may take me a bit to get it all sorted. 

This feeling I’m in is that of a good release but also of being somewhat overwhelmed. For a LARGE chunk of my life I didn’t even let myself feel my feelings and I didn’t have people around me who met my emotional needs, so dealing with these feelings now and learning how to cope with them as an adult — well, it’s a lot. That’s part of why I started doing tarot in the first place; I wanted to have a dedicated time of my day where I sit down and think about how I’m feeling and why I’m doing what I’m doing, to have intention and get back in touch with my emotions.

What do you do to cope when you’ve had a good emotional relief but are still feeling a bit overwhelmed?

My Meditation Journey | Episode 38

I’m starting this blog series in an attempt to find my way to “chill” because yo gorl has almost no chill – only now instead of that being a personality trait it’s causing hormonal fluctuations that my body doesn’t know how to process anymore which then leads to me passing out … which is no bueno. I consider myself agnostic because I’m not sure there is/are a god/s, but I’m not going to tell you they can’t possibly exist either. I do however enjoy the idea of trying out different forms of meditation to see if any of them will work for me, which brings me to my latest adventure – using tarot cards as a point of focus for meditation. Let’s see what cards I pull today, shall we?

Three – The Ship

Journeys
Adventure
Distance

I think I’ve come a long way on my mental health journey. I’ve put distance between myself and unhealthy habits and the people who shoved their unhealthy words/thinking on me. Now I feel like I’m going on a new adventure in life. I’m learning how to live my life not according to how others think life should be lived but in accordance to the values that drive me. 

On an adjacent note, I need to edit together a mini adventure I went on yesterday to a park I’ve never been to before. It was a fun place to explore with beautiful flowers, great old trees, and a few interesting sculptures … oh and a creek! At least I think it was a creek. It was a very narrow body of moving water under a somewhat dilapidated bridge. Thankfully the bridge was built with cars in mind, so venturing over it as a pedestrian was perfectly safe. I haven’t decided if I’m posting that content to Instagram, YouTube or both. If it goes in a YouTube video it will probably be at the end of a different video, as a relaxing bonus.

This card was pulled from Eric Maille’s The Paper Oracle Deck with Guide Booklet.