My Meditation Journey | Episode 56

I’m starting this blog series in an attempt to find my way to “chill” because yo gorl has almost no chill – only now instead of that being a personality trait it’s causing hormonal fluctuations that my body doesn’t know how to process anymore which then leads to me passing out … which is no bueno. I consider myself agnostic because I’m not sure there is/are a god/s, but I’m not going to tell you they can’t possibly exist either. I do however enjoy the idea of trying out different forms of meditation to see if any of them will work for me, which brings me to my latest adventure – using tarot cards as a point of focus for meditation.

What’s that? It’s been forever since I’ve sat down to do this? Yeah, yeah it has. I just haven’t wanted to really deal with any of the feels recently. It also doesn’t help that I’m experiencing a bit of self loathing from my days and nights being a bit swapped at the moment. On the one hand, it’s nice to just go with the flow and not fight when my body decides it needs to sleep. On the other hand, I actually kinda miss daylight and being awake when almost everyone else is.

I’ve been hunting for a somewhat traditional tarot set for a while now. I naturally gravitate to very queer, oracle decks; I normally don’t care for a traditional deck since they can be very Abrahamic Religion/Gender Binary based, and I’ve never really been one for tradition (with the exception of Fiddler on the Roof … and now that song is stuck in my head. You’re welcome.). However, I was at my local occult book shop and ran across Kitchen Table Tarot by Melissa Cynova; I fell in love how hilariously plainly this book is written and decided that it’s finally time to find myself a regular deck to go with it. I started looking for a deck below $30 (I love decks in the 50+ range from artists but I’m on a budget for this one … especially since it isn’t a queer oracle deck) and came across the very recently released Dungeons and Dragons Tarot Deck. My nerdy ass semi-regularly plays D&D from time to time and I loved the art style, so I definitely had to pick it up.

Soooooo, what do I mull over today? I do have my therapy appointment in about 5 hours from when I’m currently writing this, so I’m already rather primed to dig into some uncomfortable areas. Does that mean I should save my emotional energy and try to take things a bit lightly right now? Probably? Pacing myself always seems to be a pretty good idea lately. Let’s just randomly pull one card and see what happens.

Okay, I have more weird mapping than I thought I’d have to do; this deck is divided into Major Arcana (like normal) and four Minor Arcana labeled Strength, Intelligence, Wisdom, and Charisma. I like that they’ve swapped out the Wands, Swords, Cups, and Pentacles for more D&D based suits, but then does this mean I don’t have a traditional deck? Let me try to match these up by using Lindsay Squire’s Natural Magick as a reference. Wands/Fire matches up with Strength well enough, Swords/Air with Intelligence, Cups/Water with Charisma, and Pentacles/Earth with Wisdom. For the record I could have used Melissa’s book, but I’ve actually read Linday’s cover to cover and haven’t gotten that far with Melissa’s yet. Hilariously, as I was flipping through trying to find the seven of swords I opened it straight to the suits and their meanings.

Seven of Intelligence aka Seven of Swords?

Lying to Ourselves
Accepting Truth

Hmmm. Perhaps this is here today to remind me that trying to steal away from my emotions and try to ignore what’s happening in never a good decision. I’ve been ignoring myself for far too long thinking that “Oh, I’ll do that tomorrow or whenever I feel like I have more spoons to deal with that”, but when I finally do get the energy (which is few and far between at the moment), I still don’t seem to tend to those things I’ve been putting off. As my therapist says, “Sometimes you have to just do things even when they don’t feel right”. This is specifically in reference to depression overriding things that otherwise would be things I enjoy. I’m gonna take this as my wakeup call to just start doing things again. On the plus side, I already have — since I enjoy tarot meditation and have just written this up.

This card was pulled from The Dungeons & Dragons Tarot Deck and was supplemented by Melissa Cynova’s Kitchen Table Tarot.

Published by Victoria Mendes

I'm just a house-wife trying to cook good meals on a budget.

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